Flush

Flush by Carl Hiaassen (2005, Random House) audio performed by Michael Welch (also Random House.)

Noah's father Paine has just sunk the Coral Queen. He suspects the casino is dumping its sewage into the ocean, polluting the local family beach in the Florida Keys. He is right, but he has no proof. He is also in jail for his crime. Now it is up to Noah and his sister Abbey to prove what they--and the readers--already know. I'll call this a Columbo mystery, in honor of my childhood sweetheart, Peter Falk. (My best friend was Angela Lansbury.)

At first, Noah's father is calling the shots. He encourages Noah to pay off Lice Peeking, former mate on the Coral Queen, to testify against Dusty Muleman, owner of the Coral Queen. The plot thickens when Lice disappears, and his girlfriend Shelly suspects he was murdered.

Now, Abbey and Noah take matters into their own hands, with the help of Shelly, a nice lady (and with Pippi Longstocking-like strength) who for one reason or other dates drunk-ass Lice.

I'll take a moment here to say: between Lice and Shelly and Noah's dad, this is how you do "quirky" characters. I put quirky in quotes because I think people who use that term have it backwards. Most people are quirky. Normal people--or those who are able to act normal--are in the minority. A simple trip on the city bus will prove this point, but you can also look at your own family. It's no coincidence that people think their families are crazy. Everybody is crazy. We know our families best, and therefore have confirmation. I think people who write "quirky" characters well understand that there isn't a box for nutties and a box for normal people. It's the same box. It's just that quirky people live outside of it. Hiaasen nails "quirky." Only Noah comes across as completely normal, which makes sense. He's the narrator. It would make sense that he would present himself as the voice of sanity in a sea of craziness. Or maybe he really is normal. Or maybe he is a character in a book and I'm overthinking this.

Anyway, once Paine gets out of jail, he's forced to wear an ankle bracelet monitor and cannot talk about The Coral Queen to the media (which he did freely while in jail.) It's important to Noah and Abbey to show that their dad was right, thus proving to their mother and everybody else that he's not crazy.

Abbey tries to capture evidence on film of the Coral Queen dumping in the water, but the video turns out poorly. So Noah comes up with a plan of his own, which involves Shelly going undercover as a bartender on the Coral Queen. (I told you she's a nice lady.)

There is also a bully (Dusty's son Jasper) and a pirate (who seems to have escaped from a Hardy Boys book.) I think these characters probably resonate with kids, which is good because it is a children's book. The resolution takes a while to unfold, but is satisfactory and gives readers more time to spend with this family, who I came to love both for their imperfections and their ability to work as a team. (I love when kids are treated as part of the team--not as the mascots.)

The verdict: This story was a lot of fun. Well, as fun as a book about water pollution can be, especially at this juncture.